The Youkai Prince and the Frog
by Great Bishop Hazel
Summary: Another god-awful Disney-based crack fic in which Hazel turns Goku into a frog and Goku makes things worse by kissing Kougaiji and turning him into a frog, Gojyo is disguised as Goku and about to marry Lirin and Hakkai is a lightning bug. It's bad.
1. Chapter 1

"Goku! Slow down you dumb monkey! Where the hell are we going anyway?" Sha Gojyo grumbled as they stepped off the boat into the streets of New Orleans, Louisiana in the 1920's. Goku ripped off his clothes to reveal somehow a dapper vest, crisp white shirt, khaki dress slacks, nice shoes and a cute little cap, which really clashed with his coronet, but that's how it had to be, couldn't have the Seiten Taisei running around Bourbon Street causing more trouble than drunk Mardi Gras goers scrambling for beads. "And where did you get the weird ass clothes?"

"Oh, kick ass! This is gonna be awesome!" Goku leapt off the ship into a crowd of gushing flappers who went simply mad over his glorious golden eyes and winning smile.

"Yeah, sure, HE gets the girls, that makes a fuckton of sense." Gojyo rolled his eyes, hefting Goku's luggage. "Now where are we staying again?"

"Who cares? Let's just have some fun and get some food!" Goku grinned, barreling off down the cobblestone streets after a good restaurant, not a difficult thing to find in New Orleans.

"And no one is going to offer an explanation for our being in New Orleans? Really? And don't even think Hazel and Gat being American is an excuse, because there's no way they're from here." Gojyo cursed the heavens in vain.

"Who ain't from where, now?" A smooth, but distinctly NOT New Orleans southern drawl came from a shadowy alleyway right past where Goku was. The voice was followed by an equally shadowy figure stepping out of the alley, shoulder length silver hair neatly slicked back beneath a black top hat with a red band, a purple feather and a white skull and crossbones on it. The man was dressed in a black tailcoat which was opened, revealing a short purple vest which showed off his pale, trim stomach right before a pair of long black dress slacks and nice two-tone shoes. He also wore a necklace of fangs and a gold pendant around his pale, slender throat.

"Oh no, not you." Gojyo groaned. "I knew today was going to be bad when I woke up in a butler outfit with Goku ordering me around and now you're here! How could today possibly get any worse!?"

"Wow! Who are you?" Goku gasped, enchanted by the mysterious, blue eyed stranger.

"Y'all can call me either Hazel or Dr. Grosse…Glosse….Grouse….However the fandom is spellin' it today. At any rate, want me to read y'all's future?" Hazel grinned.

"Kick ass! Hell yeah, I want ya ta read my future!" Goku grinned.

"The hell I'm going anywhere with you, fruity!" Gojyo glared at Hazel, but his protests fell on deaf ears as Goku dragged him off after Hazel down the dark, foreboding, shadowy alleyway towards a Voodoo shop. "Weren't you Catholic, like, yesterday?" Gojyo raised an eyebrow as he questioned Hazel.

"Quiet, you." Hazel replied, unlocking the door and walking in, on the wall was a mask with horns, glasses and a haircut that made it look suspiciously like Ukoku Sanzo, another mask with dreads and a bandana, a third mask with purple hair and eerie green eyes and a final mask with long blue hair and an evil smile. The Ukoku mask was in the very center, leering over a small table with three chairs, one of which Hazel immediately sat in.

"No, seriously, this is ridiculous; I fucking flat out refuse to be in close quarters with a fag and a monkey." Gojyo protested.

"Don't you disrespect me, half-breed! Don't you derog--" Hazel began until Ukoku mask interrupted.

"Copyright infringement, Little Angel, will land you in pound-me-in-the-ass-prison. You'd be quite popular there, actually." He smirked.

"Right…Well, I changed one of the words…Oh well, better safe than sorry…" Hazel shrugged. "Anyway, can I still say 'I got friends on the other side'?"

"That's probably fine, moving right along." The purple haired mask, Zakuro, confirmed.

"You know, I think copyright was infringed the moment Hazel put on that costume…" Chin Yisou mask, the one with blue hair, mused.

"That conversation's over! 'S time for cards, so gather 'round, y'all!" Hazel shouted.

"Cards! Finally something I'm good at." Gojyo sighed with relief.

"Not gamblin', numbskull, I'm readin' y'all's fortunes, weren't ya listenin' when I explained that earlier?" Hazel face-palm'd. "Anyway, take three an' we'll have a look into y'all's future." He smiled, perching his chin on the back of one hand and holding out the cards with the other.

Goku took three cards and set them out, as did Gojyo (reluctantly). Hazel grinned and turned Goku's cards over. "I see that y'all are from across the sea…and…y'all were….born from a rock….well, I don't even wanna know how a rock gets knocked up, but anyhow, y'all like ta eat, but since ya ain't got a job, ya can't afford the finer things y'all're so fond of, so yer solution is y'all best be marryin' someone with money."

"Up until I woke up in a butler outfit, Sanzo paid for all the food." Gojyo interjected.

"Who?" Goku cocked his head.

"You honestly don't remember Sanzo!? Seriously!? Okay, I'm breaking the fourth wall here, this merits it! Crackfic or not, the author can't just expect the audience to believe Goku would forget who Sanzo is!" Gojyo was almost tearing his hair out. "This is poor writing is what it is!"

"Hey!" Hazel shouted. When he had Gojyo's attention, he smiled sweetly and simply said: "Shut up, y'all're ruinin' the story. At any rate, marriage ties ya down, y'all don't want that, but to be free y'all need some frog skin, an' lucky for y'all, I see plenty of that in the future."

Gojyo looked like he was about to say something, until Hazel turned to him and gave a sympathetic look. "Now, you, my friend, are a waste of flesh who's been kicked around all his life, you get bossed around by Sanzo and Goku and the narrator and if you got married, you'd be bossed 'round by Hakkai."

"Why Hakkai!? Why does everyone think we're gay?!" Gojyo snapped.

"I ain't touchin' that one." Hazel blinked. "But anyway, in y'all's future, I see a new Gojyo, though. Y'all're large an' in charge…"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that!" Gojyo shook his head.

"With lots of money…"

"Nope, not listening"

"And the others kneeling before you…"

"Wait, what?"

"And a harem of the world's most attractive women…"Hazel continued.

"Go on…."

"And free booze and cigarettes…."

"You had me at 'world's most attractive women', where do I sign?"

"Just both of y'all shake my hand." Hazel smirked slyly.

"All of the sudden, I'm not so sure about this…" Goku frowned.

"What're you, stupid, ya dumb ape!? Just look at the honest smile! How can you not trust that face? Now shake his hand!" Gojyo chided hurriedly. And with a gulp, Goku and Gojyo shook Hazel's hands and the whole room began to spin, colored lights and sparks flew everywhere, the masks began chanting and Goku and Gojyo were suddenly held in place by snakes tying them to their chairs.

"If you ain't happy with what y'all get, y'all can blame my friends on the other side!" Hazel laughed. And as Gojyo and Goku felt the transformations upon them, The Disney Corporation and Randy Newman had a subpoena issued for 'Great Bishop Hazel', while somewhere else Kazuya Minekura felt a sudden urge to kill a certain fanfiction writer and Walt Disney turned in his grave.


	2. Chapter 2

That very night, at a grand estate in New Orleans, the richest man in New Orleans, who is for some reason in this story none-other than Genjyo Sanzo, was throwing a massive party to welcome Son Goku to New Orleans all the way from Shangri La. Disregarding the fact that Sanzo himself had just woken up in New Orleans this morning and much to his chagrin found that he was Lirin's father until the story ended. However, his rage subsided when he found out he was rich, but it came right back when he discovered this made him the most prominent man in town, the one everyone went to for things and had to do ridiculous publicity events like being the 'King of Mardi Gras'. Being the wealthiest man in New Orleans was not unlike being a Sanzo priest.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! When will Prince Goku be arriving!?" Lirin ran full force, pitching herself into Sanzo's arms and incessantly assaulting his ears with babble about how she wanted a feast for his arrival because she'd heard from Kougaiji that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach.

Sanzo took a deep breath, remembered his karma, and said: "Well, in the case of Goku, you're probably right; the way to his heart IS through his stomach…so… I guess we'll get Kougaiji, who is inexplicably an amazing cook now, to make meat buns for our grand masquerade ball. Anything else stupid and unreasonable I can get for you, precious?" Sanzo nearly choked out the last sentence. But it was karma, probably, that landed him this stupid role and making it worse wasn't going to help. He had to keep his temper and then it would all be over sooner.

So with that, their household began preparations for the party, while down in a less wealthy part of town, Kougaiji was just getting out of work. It was a hard life being a waiter in New Orleans in the 20's and being a dark-skinned youkai. I mean, being human and black in the 20's was hard enough, but pointy ears and claws as well? You might as well paint a target on your back. But, this is a Disney story, so our hero does not need to worry about the realities of racial intolerance, instead it just becomes a mild deterrent from his lifelong dream since he woke up as a waiter in New Orleans this morning of owning a restaurant called 'Kougaiji's Place'. Without being any the wiser that his race would come back to bite him in the ass later that night, Kougaiji had finally gotten the money for a down-payment on an old sugar mill he planned to convert into Kougaiji's Place, realizing the dream that had apparently been his father's as well. Wasn't 'owner of a restaurant' a step down from 'most feared youkai king in Shangri-La?'. At any rate, he walked into the old place to find his mother, Rasetsunyo, who never appears in any fanfics because she's suffering from Han Solo disease (being encased in carbonite or whatever and all), waiting for him there in a quintessential old lady in the twenties, New Orleans outfit, smiling at her son.

"You know, Kougaiji, even though this restaurant is, apparently, what your father always wanted, he had what he needed." Rasetsunyo smiled.

"An endless supply of human flesh to feed on?" Kougaiji asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, a family who loved him." Rasetsunyo said, stroking Kougaiji's face gently.

"But mom, I want to be a success! I can't wait forever for some prince! I want to be self-sufficient….like most Disney princesses, I want more!" Kougaiji exclaimed as he set about cleaning the forsaken old mill. Rasetsunyo smiled and shook her head, but she helped her son in his cleaning.

"Oh! Look at the time! I have to go to Lirin's party! The realtors will be there and I need to deliver my payment!" Kougaiji gasped, hugging and kissing his mother goodbye and running off towards the wealthy district, changing into a costume as he ran, hopping on the street car.

At the party, Lirin came down the stairs, worried to the point of tears in a big, poufy pink princess dress and tiara. "W…w…w…why i…i…isn't p…p…prince G…G…Goku h…h…h…h…here yet!?" She bawled.

Kougaiji patted her back sympathetically, comforting her. "Lirin, he's probably just fashionably late, you know how princes are." He smiled at her as he set out his supply of home made meat buns. Suddenly, trumpets sounded and out of a limo stepped Goku in all his splendor dressed in a princely regalia and grinning shiningly at Lirin, who squealed and rushed to his side. "And she was worried." Kougaiji laughed, shaking his head and grinning happily as Lirin danced with Goku.

"Evening, Kougaiji!" A voice called out from the back end of a horse costume.

"Oh! Good evening, Mr….I never did get your name…Should I just call you Mr. Hakkai Impersonator?" Kougaiji asked.

"Yes, and with me is Mr. Sanzo Impersonator. We have some bad news for you."

"Wh…what is it?" Kougaiji asked, frowning.

"Because you're black and a youkai…I mean…because you've been outbid, we can't sell you the sugar mill for your restaurant." Mr. Sanzo Impersonator replied in a falsely sympathetic voice. "Maybe you should be happy where you are, I mean, really you're lucky anyone hired you here in the south in the twenties."

"You know, the terms 'lawsuit' and 'sue-your-ass-for-pain-and-suffering' and 'ACLU' come to mind." Kougaiji remarked.

"Um…Look! A human baby!" Hakkai Impersonator shouted. Kougaiji was not amused and didn't look, so the two impersonators shoved him into his table of meat buns, causing him to ruin his costume. Lirin ran over to him to help.

"Oh, you poor thing! Come on; let's get you a nice new costume from my closet." Lirin led Kougaiji up to her room and dressed him like a princess in a pretty blue gown and a silver tiara. "Oh, Kougaiji! I wished upon a star and my dream came true! Prince Goku is here dancing with me! Oh! I wonder if he'll propose marriage! Then I'd be a real princess instead of just The Princess of Mardi Gras!" Lirin giggled. "That's all you have to do, wish upon a star and your dreams come true! Well! Gotta go back downstairs before he wonders what's happened to me!" Lirin adjusted the bodice of her dress and ran downstairs, leaving Kougaiji to his thoughts.

Kougaiji walked out onto the balcony and looked up at the evening star. "This is stupid, but…I'm desperate….Please, please, please!" He begged the star for his restaurant.

"Hey, ya got any food?" A voice came from nearby.

"Huh!?" Kougaiji looked around, startled, then he saw a little green frog with yellow eyes and a gold coronet sitting near him. "Oh…I suppose you want a kiss." He sighed.

"Actually, I asked for a meat bun." The frog repeated itself, causing Kougaiji to freak out and try to squish it with a book. "Hey! Wait! I am Prince Goku of Shangri La! I was transformed into frog somehow, but it's me!"

"You're the prince?" Kougaiji asked. The frog nodded. "But then who's dancing with Lirin!?"

"I don't know! One minute I'm getting my cards read by some guy in a top hat, the next I'm green and hopping around!" Goku complained. Then he saw the title of the book Kougaiji hit him with. "Hey! The Frog Prince! I know this one! If a princess kisses a frog, he turns back into a prince! You're a princess, kiss me!"

"No!" Kougaiji looked revolted.

"Look, there must be something you want, I'm a wealthy prince, I can give you anything you ask for if you'll just kiss me!" Goku pleaded.

"Fine…Just one kiss…." Kougaiji agreed, thinking Goku could get him his restaurant if he did him this one small favor.

"Alright…so…." Goku puckered up his lips and stretched towards Kougaiji, who closed his eyes tightly, puckered up, bit the bullet and kissed Goku. In a flash of bright light, everything was obscured for a moment and then, Goku gasped when he saw Kougaiji's clothes crumpled on the floor.

"What happened? You're still a frog and how did I get all the way down here?" Kougaiji asked, holding his hands out in front of him and screaming when he saw green webbed feet in his face instead of smooth mahogany fingers.

"Oops…" Goku chuckled sheepishly as Kougaiji advanced on him angrily.


	3. Chapter 3

"You turned me into a frog! Now how will I ever own a restaurant!? Who's going to want to buy meat buns from a frog!?" Kougaiji roared as Goku backed away slowly, cowering.

"Wait… 'buy meat buns'? But why would a princess need to sell meat buns? Unless…You're not a princess! You lied to me!" Goku gasped.

"Of course I'm not a princess! I'm a man!" Kougaiji sighed, exasperated.

"Well, then it's your fault you're a frog. Only a princess can break the spell, everyone knows that. Even me and everyone thinks I'm just a stupid monkey." Goku frowned.

"But look at me! I'm all….slimy!" Kougaiji cringed.

"Actually, that's mucus." Goku grinned sheepishly. Kougaiji had had it. This was the last straw! He tackled Goku, sending them both flying over the balcony and into the crowd, falling down the back of Lirin's dress.

"EWWWWW! SLIMY!" Lirin shrieked. The Goku who was dancing with her went pale as a ghost and tried to grab the two frogs, but they escaped and hopped across the food table. "DADDY! THOSE FROGS ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!" Lirin squealed. Sanzo, remembering that 'daddy' meant him in this story, leapt into action!...when it was convenient for him. By which time the frogs had escaped into the swamp and a silver haired man in a harlequin costume stepped out of the party with a sneer. This would certainly muck up his plans. It was time to have a talk with Gojyo and possibly more seriously, with his friends on the other side.

Meanwhile, Kougaiji and Goku ended up in a bayou. "Great. Now we're going to have to worry about crocodiles." Kougaiji frowned, looking around the water for the tell-tale moving logs.

"Those tiny things that live in the Yangtze River? They're not more than two or three feet long! Why worry?" Goku laughed, kicking back on a lily-pad and putting his feet up.

"This may have escaped your notice due to your tiny monkey brain, but this isn't the Yangtze River, this is a fucking bayou in Louisiana. The reptiles here are much bigger and meaner and they will drop you like a bitch and eat you." Kougaiji hissed, trying to keep quiet so the gators and crocs would hear them and come barreling towards them.

"Why are you being all quiet and stuff? I didn't hear a word you just said and you're so negative! You're never gonna have any fun in life if you're always so negative!" Goku grinned.

"SHUT UP! THEY'LL HEAR YOU!" Kougaiji roared.

"Hey, I heard that! You sound delicious, I can't wait to eat you both, I love frog's legs!" An alligator sneered, swimming towards them. For the sake of Rikudo getting a part because everyone else seems to have one, we'll say the alligator's body was covered in talismans and it was a cursed alligator.

"See? That was all you; he's here because you're so negative." Goku said, completely deadpan.

"Shut up and run for your life!" Kougaiji growled, hopping towards a hollow tree with a hole in it far beyond the Rikudogator's reach. After much struggling and fighting, Goku and Kougaiji were finally safe out of Rikudogator's reach and Kougaiji was forced to stay up keeping watch all night while Goku dicked around making a string instrument and dreaming about food.

Meanwhile, at Sanzo's fancy estate, Lirin was having tea in the gazebo with 'Goku', whose eyes were rapidly turning from yellow to red and whose hair was growing almost as fast as his body.

"Um…Weren't you shorter five seconds ago?" Lirin commented.

"Oh, don't worry, babe, I'm just going through a…..a….growth spurt! Yeah! A growth spurt!" He lied.

"And where did you get those scars?" Lirin pointed to the twin scars now running up the sides of his cheeks.

"Oh, those damn mosquitoes! They got me really bad, didn't they? Um…anyway, wanna get hitched?" He said quickly, wanting to get his part of this stage of the plan done with fast so he wouldn't blow his cover.

"OH! MONKEY-KINS! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" Lirin propelled herself at him and nearly crushed his ribs. "LET'S HAVE A MARDI GRAS WEDDING!"

"Yes, well, wonderful! But I have to go now, later!" He shouted, pulling free and jetting off into his room at the house.

"Charmin' performance, Mr. Gojyo, but would y'all mind explainin' ta me how y'all let one teeny li'l frog get loose an' fuck up our entire plan!?" Hazel's voice went from a coy purr to a threatening boom in no time flat as he skulked out of the shadows.

"Sorry, man! Take it easy, it's not like it's that hard to catch a frog!" Gojyo replied.

"YA DAMN FOOL! I mean ta say…bless yer li'l heart, y'all don't seem to know any better 'bout th' powers that be, do y'all?" Hazel calmed himself into the most dangerous, terrifying calm Gojyo had ever seen, even living with Hakkai. If Hazel came any closer with that deadly calm voice, Gojyo was sure to shit bricks. "Now, y'all are lucky voodoo don't work on oneself or else y'all'd be gator grub an' I'd be doin' this myself. Fortunately for y'all, I need ya as voodoo don't work on th' caster." Hazel explained. "Unfortunately for me, I'm gonna have ta make an offer ta my friends on the other side ta get our little green friend back." If looks could kill, Gojyo would be a stain on the carpet right about now. "Now, I gotta go make 'em an offer. Heaven help y'all if I'm interrupted." Hazel walked off towards the door, heading back to his voodoo shop.

"So, you want my help, do you, little angel?" Ukoku mask smirked.

"Yeah, sorry our plan went ta shit, but that half-breed left Goku's cage open an' he up an' hopped away on us! Last time I leave people I'm usin' fer advancement unsupervised while I use th' restroom." Hazel frowned.

"Well, we'll help you, but it won't come cheap." Ukoku mask thought it over.

"I'll give y'all free reign of New Orleans when I'm runnin' it so y'all can have all the wayward souls ya want." Hazel offered.

"That's a good start, but you know what we creatures of the shadows REALLY want from those who summon us." Ukoku smirked again.

"I had always thought it was just wayward souls…"Hazel frowned.

"This may be a Disney parody, little angel, but you know what the slash fans want to see. If you want us to help you with your plan, you better put out." Ukoku replied.

"Put out fer a mask? I'm not sure I follow y'all." Hazel raised an eyebrow.

"No, I mean I take on a humanoid form, we head into the back and…"Ukoku trailed off.

"Oh, I get it…hmm…Well, I'll lose a lot of dignity bein' y'all's bitch, but…I suppose it'll all be worth it when I'm runnin' New Orleans an' everyone has to respect me now matter what I do…" Hazel thought aloud. "Alright, take on yer humanoid form an' let's get this over with."

"Perfect!" Ukoku smirked, transforming into his humanoid form, which was pretty much just his usual self in black robes. He pulled Hazel close and led him to the back room of the voodoo shop. Sorry to be a complete asshole, but the chapter's over, nothing to see here, move along. Join us tomorrow when we get back to what Goku and Kougaiji are doing, which I'm sure is just as exciting as Ukoku stuffing Hazel like a Thanksgiving turkey bent over a chair in the back room of his own Voodoo shop. Totally.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey! Chimp! Wake up! The Rikudogator is gone. We can leave." Kougaiji kicked Goku repeatedly in the head until his golden eyes opened.

"Mm…Breakfast already?" He mumbled sleepily.

"WE were almost breakfast, you moron! And it's all your fault!" Kougaiji snapped.

"There ya go being negative again. You know, for all his faults, at least that Hazel guy wasn't negative." Goku frowned. "I've never met such a negative person in my whole life! And I've been alive for over five hundred years!"

"And I've never met such a lazy, rude, inconsiderate jerk in all my life!" Kougaiji shot back as the two leapt on to a lily-pad and Kougaiji began to row down the bayou. He took a look back at Goku, who was still fooling around with the instrument he'd made last night. "That means get up off your ass and row!" Kougaiji growled warningly.

"I'm lightening the mood with a little music!" Goku replied. "See? Row-row-row your boat, gently down the stream…."

"I'm going to kill you." Kougaiji informed him, neither of the two frogs noticing the large shape rising out of the water behind them.

"Hey! I wanna play some music too!" The shape grinned toothily. It had a dark marking around one eye, was covered in prayer beads and for some reason had longish pale blonde hair, which, any fool knows, is not usual for alligators or crocodiles, but it's a Kamigator, so we'll overlook that.

"Oh great. You talk to it, monkey, you speak stupid." Kougaiji frowned.

"Well hello there, friend!" Goku smiled charmingly at the Kamigator. "You liked my music?"

"Sure did! I've always wanted to be a jazz musician in New Orleans ever since I woke up in this bayou as an alligator yesterday morning. It sure beats being dead and buried under a mountain of rubble and toys!" Kamigator laughed. "My name is Kami-sama, who are you?"

"I'm prince Goku of Shangri-la. This is Kougaiji; he's a waiter…with a bad haircut… and a really negative personality." Goku introduced himself and Kougaiji to Kami-sama.

"Eat me." Kougaiji said bluntly in response, flipping Goku off.

"Frogs have restaurants? Cool!" Kami-sama grinned.

"We're not really frogs, genius, we're demons." Kougaiji frowned.

"Really? Well I wanna be a human! Then I could play my music all through New Orleans and then people would like me!" Kami-sama smiled placidly, lost in the fantasy.

"Yes, we used to be demons until the evil and mysterious shadow man turned me into a frog" Goku explained.

"He has a name, I don't understand why everyone just calls him 'The Shadow Man' I mean, didn't the sign over his shop even say 'Hazel's Voodoo Emporium' or something?" Kougaiji sighed.

"How would you know? You weren't there!" Goku frowned.

"I walked past it once and besides, you should know better than to screw around with Voodoo! It's dangerous!" Kougaiji snapped.

"He had such pretty blue eyes, though, and Gojyo told me he also had an honest smile! You can't say no to an honest smile!" Goku defended himself.

"Hey! I know! If Voodoo turned you into frogs, then a good Voodoo doctor could change you back! You should go see Mama Kanzeon!" Kami-sama suggested.

"Great! That's perfect! Best idea I've heard all day!" Kougaiji cried out excitedly. "Will you take us to her!?"

"No way! The bayou is dangerous! There's a big old Rikudogator, and pricker bushes and not to mention Alan Menken doesn't come this far out, so we're stuck with Randy Newman for traveling music!" Kami-sama trembled.

"Better him than Barry Manilow. I mean, at least we're not doing Thumbelina." Kougaiji tried to reason with Kami-sama.

"Hey! I like Manilow…when he isn't composing crap like 'Marry the Mole'" Goku amended. "Anyway, let me handle this, I can convince anyone of anything!" He winked at Kougaiji and with that he hopped towards Kami-sama. "Oh Kami-sama, it's a shame you can't take us to Mama Kanzeon, she could probably turn you into a human and you could play your music for all the good people of New Orleans…I bet they'd love you with your pretty hair and your…totally not creepy laugh." Goku suggested suavely.

"Hey! I have an idea! Why don't I take you to see Mama Kanzeon?" Kami-sama grinned. "We could go there right now!"

And with that, they were off towards the deepest, darkest part of the bayou, when suddenly, Goku's stomach began to rumble and his tongue began to twitch. "Hmm…I must be hungry." Goku frowned, then he saw flies buzzing everywhere and new what he had to do. Meanwhile, Kougaiji was feeling similar pangs of hunger and soon his tongue had a will of its own as well and as he and Goku both went after the same lone lightning bug that had landed on a rock to look up at the evening star, which was now the shape of a woman with long braided brown hair, a yellow dress and a cross around her neck, they both shot their tongues out at the same time and they got entangled together.

"Oh! Did you two want some privacy?" Kami-sama asked, stomping into the area and blushing when he saw Goku and Kougaiji with their tongues wrapped around each other.

"No! Get us loose!" Kougaiji snapped.

"Ewww! Gross! Did you even brush your teeth this morning!?" Goku whined.

"I don't have any anymore, asshole! We're frogs!" Kougaiji growled.

"Oh my, you seem to be getting no where. Need some help?" The firefly from the rock flitted over to them; he had short dark brown hair and wore a monocle. His eyes were green and he also wore a green headband.

"GET HIM OFF ME!" Kougaiji demanded.

"Alright, alright, calm down. Just a little tug here…and a pull there and…got it!" The firefly soon had them untangled.

"Thank you." Kougaiji sighed.

"Kick ass! Now I can eat!" Goku grinned.

"Well, I certainly hope you don't intend to eat me." The firefly laughed politely. "I'm afraid Kanan would not approve."

"Oh! How nice! You're married!" Kougaiji smiled

"Not yet, she's sort of shy, but she's the most beautiful woman in all the world!" The bug gushed. "Oh, I forgot my manners; my name is Hakkai and this…" He said, flying close to the woman-shaped evening star. "Is Kanan."

"Should someone tell him it's just a constellation?" Goku muttered to Kougaiji.

"Hush!" Kougaiji elbowed Goku in the stomach.

"Anyway, we're on our way to Mama Kanzeon's so we can be ourselves again." Goku smiled when Hakkai returned to hovering over the bayou.

"Oh, well, you're going the wrong way. Let me take you there!" Hakkai smiled happily and began flying in the right direction.

Kami-sama seemed put out to have been going the wrong way, but he quickly got over it.

Meanwhile, back in New Orleans, Hazel was just stumbling out of the back room of his shop, his top hat and clothing askew and his hair a mess, sort of staggering and limping. "Mercy me! Who'da thought Mr. Ukoku had that much stamina! It's been hours!" He panted. "Anyway, wakey, wakey, y'all! Mr. Ukoku's given me free reign to use y'all's powers ta find that wayward frog a' mine! So hop to it! No pun intended…" Hazel clapped his pale, slender hands and with that, an army of shadow monsters appeared on the walls and zoomed out over the streets of New Orleans and into the bayou. "He ain't escapin' my grasp an' when he returns, all a' New Orleans' gonna be bowin' ta me." Hazel smirked, taking out a voodoo doll of Sanzo and pantomiming jabbing a needle into his heart.


End file.
